addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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