This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
