after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
