I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
