What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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