And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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