is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
