i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
