I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
