I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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