Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
