she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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