I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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