I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
