just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
