I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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