Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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