She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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