No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
