2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
