Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
