Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
