Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
two words: eviction party
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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