How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
