I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
