Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
