...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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