I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
