i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
