Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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