I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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