She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
