So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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