i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
