so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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