Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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