dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
