I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
