her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
