We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
