Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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