I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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