I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
