This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
