I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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