Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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