Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
