I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
