what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
