I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
